I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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