It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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