how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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