Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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