I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
