When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
