all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
