Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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