I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
