i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
