Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
