I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
