I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
