i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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