Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
