I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize