Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
