Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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