I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
