very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
