Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We are two peas in an std pod
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize