I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
