Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
