I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize