Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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