One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
