she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize