Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
