i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
