He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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