We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
