it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you.
Bad choice
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
