I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
