His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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