He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
