thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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