The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize