I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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