We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
