This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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