Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize