so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
