i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize