my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
