you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize