Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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