Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
