I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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