Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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