sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
