cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize