she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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