halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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