I'm really into asian looking animals
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
