you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
