Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
