Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
