hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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