so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
