So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
