we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
