Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
