Having a random hookup so left but love u
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
are you so shy because you have an std?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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