I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
