Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
