Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize