You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found a bag of teeth...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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