shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Randomize
