There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
