So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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