So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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