i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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