I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
