I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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