I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
