hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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