i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
