I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize