at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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