mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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