so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
