I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
