At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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