He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize