There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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