hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
