just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
