At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
why is half of my head shaved?
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