i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
These tits shall not be calmed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
