remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
