he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize