woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
