WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
