I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
