Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
In America we eat man semen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
