I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
