Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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