i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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