i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this just has baby written all over it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
