maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
