Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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