hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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