my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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