ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
