A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
