brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
